Yes I am.

    So, are you still making cards? Are you still running? Are you still  a believer? Are you still in Florida living on your own? Are you still sure you did the right thing leaving?

                                                           

YES, I AM.

living vicariously

     So lately, this struggle for a consistent smile comes from a variety of efforts within my comfort zone. Things like reading books (John Hart, Debbie Macomber, Jodi Thomas and right now Cassandra Clare), listening to music (Hillsong, Xavier Rudd, Jack Johnson and Zradio) creating greeting cards and playing with paper.
      But the most consistent smiles come from what I have been calling living vicariously through my family's families. It's not as though they aren't my family- because they are my daughter, my son, my brother and my sister. And it's them and their families that I tag-a-long with, eat with, boat with, movie watch with, and thankfully, gratefully, joyfully smile with.
     What I'm trying to figure out is if this is living my life or living with them in their lives. And where is that corner I need to turn to living abundantly, life and more life? Is this a failure or a phase? Why do people ask what's wrong when I think I'm smiling? How can they tell? When will this longing for affection and connection subside?
      Probably my daughter would tell me to get OUT of my comfort zone in my efforts for seeking a smile. My sister would tell me it will all be OK. My brother would tell me not to be in a hurry. My son would tell me do what makes you happy. My friend told me "don't believe the lie you hear. You are not living vicariously through others, this is YOUR family that love you."
    Well, I suppose time will tell. Being the procrastinator and introvert that I am, this could take a while.