horrible bad awful day

     So....I survived one of the most horrible bad awful days I've ever had. Thank you LeeAllie.

     Sometimes the things we know are best for the people we love hurt us really deeply. That happened to me, ummmm, again. Another of my children moved out of state. A good thing. but painful beyond what I can describe.

     It was a horrible bad awful day. The crying was soul wrenching. gut tearing. stopping and starting again. thought I was done. triggers set me off again. so so alone now.

     How is it that even knowing it is such a blessing for my son and his wife, knowing each of my kids that  I love beyond understanding are where they not only should be but in a great situation with the loves of their lives, how is this separation so painful that I want to.... well I'll not even go there.

      The thing is I survived. Like running that extra mile or two. Like staying at work when you feel you can't. Like getting up in the middle of the night when you are beyond exhausted. But not quite like any of that. More like vomiting and dry heaves and fever and laying on the cold tile floor praying the sickness will pass.

     And now. Survival isn't enough is it. Survival isn't enough. Moving forward. Pastor Ron talked about it today. 2013. Moving forward to a better tomorrow. Praying for wisdom to know the direction to a better tomorrow.

My sweet superbaby grandson.

Just wait until you see the painting my talented daughter in law Brooke did of this superbaby photo. It is amazing!! Soon as I get back home to download a photo of it I shall share. In the mean time...

take a look at that gorgeous smile! My grandson is one juicy sweet peach!

trying trying trying not to be down today.

     Well, it is Christmas day and I was so optimistic that my out look two days ago would hold. So hopeful that the great days I had on the 14th and 15th would overshadow the emptiness of today. Guess not.

     Ran my 5 miles in wind chill temps of 10 to 15 degrees. Ouch. Oh my lungs. But I persevered. My coping mechanism at its best. baked some Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. comfort food. napped. before noon. not looking good at that point for positivity.

     Spending the night tonight at my son's empty apartment. Grateful not to have to deal with the weather. This is weird.

     I feel determination building.

     Moving toward a better tomorrow. More love. More authenticity. 2013.

It's the most wonderful time of the year?

   Well, that's what they say. The most wonderful time of the year. I'm pretty sure we Americans have been buying into and promoting the unachievable hype for the last hundred years or so.

 Why are we dreaming of a white Christmas, for instance? Not because that's how Jesus started out.

 Why do we insist on spending too much money on too many gifts our families don't need? Not because of our faith or religious beliefs.

 Why do we get depressed when the holidays are all over and our bloated expectations are deflated while our bloated bellies are not? Not because we look forward to disappointment.

     This year our family came together to celebrate my son's graduation and Christmas on the 14th and 15th rather than the 25th. Because of this earlier date all my last minute shopping was eliminated. Ran out of time. Overspending on presents far decreased but more planning went into the gifts. And the stress and panic of getting Christmas day "perfect" was not there, just because we held it on a different day, an earlier day and I looked at things a little differently. This year my focus was on having my little family together (including new grandson!). I can't remember enjoying a brunch with my immediate family, the chaos of 17 people for Christmas dinner or after dinner games and visiting more than I did this year.

     And today, 2 days before so many will be celebrating their Christmas I am relaxing, grateful there is no stressful holiday approaching and I'm dreaming of a way to make my future Christmases more about love and kindness and less about what the retailers, movies and hallmark cards have imposed on our Christmas season.

Opting out

     Today is black Friday and I have decided to avoid the madness. Over the past couple of years I have become more aware of the need to support small businesses. Considering myself a small, even micro, businesswoman, I understand the need for people to look beyond the cheapest price and loudest hype and see those of us trying to make it on our own without the big bucks for advertisement and mass purchasing ability and often offering better quality and a kinder environment.
    And while you're shopping the independent businesses or direct sales in home shows I hope you recognize that gleam of appreciation in their eyes when you support and encourage them. Usually, I believe, you will find someone who loves what they're doing, someone who has found that niche that helps describe who they are, someone who cares about the end product or service enough to put that extra effort into the creation, product and follow through.
    Recently I purchased 2 purses from what I will call a fabric artist. Her work was true art! I learned something from buying from her and it is something that whenever I have seen it done in the past a little light goes on in my head that I want to remember for my creations and sales. And that is to  include the little extras that don't make the product but they make a statement.
    So, today I am going down to my craft room and play with paper! I will continue to create what makes me happy and try to always remember to include an added touch that says "Jane". And tomorrow I will go out on "small business Saturday" and shop our local small businesses. Hope you do the same!

A little creation of mine I thought you might enjoy.

www.janebuchanan.stampinup.net

And that is a link to a portion of my own small business if you would like to see more ideas or purchase high quality products to create your own beautiful paper art!

Stampin' frenzy!

     What a frenzy of stamping and creating we had last weekend. I held my annual stamp-a-stack classes and pushed my stamping friends almost to the limits of their tenacious little creative minds! Over 4 hours into our "3 hour" class I realized I may have included a bit too much. 

However, few dropped and most stayed to finish the very last card, box, tag or snowflake available!

     Eazy peazy... I knew they could ;)

This is how the set up looked before frenzy...oh how I wish I had taken an after picture.

     Here are a few of the creations!

 

I tried to keep them relatively simple yet still great. The merry card I'm pretty sure I got the main idea from a pinterest card. Sorry I can't give proper credit but if you recognize it, let me know and I will! 

Anyway, of you see something you like and would like to create it yourself, all of the products are Stampin' Up! and can be purchased here:

www.janebuchanan.stampinup.net

Thanks for looking!

self imposed chains?

it's something of a contradiction

to say that i am free

when everywhere my mind turns

i sense the shackles chaining me. 

lusting after passion

dreaming i am more

leaves me hollow and dejected

more rejected

than before.

by Jane Buchanan 11/2/12

playing with paper!

     Oh how I love paper. Actually, for as long as I can remember I have loved paper. Writing paper, journals, cardstock, notebook paper, all kinds of paper.
      As a child I loved to color, cut and paste or whatever fun project our art teachers had for us. All the colors and textures. Just looking at a stack of paper made me want to draw or doodle or hoard. Yup, I'm a hoarder. Ooh la la. The secret is out.
     And even now, I see a pack of pretty copy paper sitting on the shelf at work and I want to (and have done so...) take a piece of bright pink or orange paper, cut it in pieces and staple it together and make a little book and put it in my pocket. Then it's my private little journal for the day. Sometimes I don't write in it so I will bring it back the next day.
     Well, enough of my insanity. Have a look at my fancy folds class creations.

This is a pop-up card. The image is from a stamp set called Owl Occasions stamped on one the of tags Stampin' Up! sells. And the colors are cherry cobbler and gumball green, which are my Christmas go-to's this year. Love these happy colors so much! and the embossing folder is snowburst which adds a nice little touch.

and here's the little pop-up fellow inside.

and this is called a Double Z fold card. It has a beautiful wrap band to slide over it.

And this one is my personal favorite. It's called a side step fold. And we used the Snowmuch Fun stamp set that is super cute.

Well, thanks for looking! If you see anything you like and want to try your hand at it yourself, all of the products can be purchased here:

www.janebuchanan.stampinup.net

     And if you want any instructions on the folds just email or comment! Happy to share!

fall is fading fast, too too fast

    This time of year I am as bi-polar as the view from my window. One day the trees are putting on a brilliant, ever changing display of the most eye catching wonder. Then the storms slam in and the winds blow without stop and bam. Just bam. Looking out, all I see is far too brown and gray.
    Then, just like a snap of your fingers a glimpse of vibrance  and magnificence  sends my heart soaring again. The ironic thing is, and why I cannot trust my feelings, is the view was there the day before but I couldn't see it. When my heart is gray, what I see is often shrouded.
     Today the wind is breezy, the sun is bright, the trees are throwing off their leaves. And I see marigold and burgundy and rust and pumpkin and celery and olive and daffodil and crimson.

                               The tears of the morning have turned to hope in the evening.

got those creative wheels spinning!

   This week I'm working on some projects for my Christmas stamp a stack class and my open house. So many ideas running through my head! Chipboard and wood-backed scrapbooks, paper treat gift purses and snowman candy bars, to name a few. I get started on one and then distracted by another idea and then hit a road block in the finishing of them. You'd be amazed at all my unfinished projects. Or maybe you have a few of those too.

   That's when a good solid deadline comes in handy. I just love a deadline! Both in creativity and cleaning my house. Need to get motivated? Set a date for a workshop or class then tell everyone. Whoa! That'll get me moving. Need to get my house clean? Invite company. You know what I mean, don't you! The last time you dusted your windowsills or cleaned under your sink was when your mother in law was coming. Right? Ha!

     Well, here are a couple of completed cards.

  

These are made using Stampin' Up! stamps and paper and embellishments. 

https://janebuchanan.stampinup.net

That's where you can go for your papercrafting needs! AND lots of new ideas.

      And next time I'll show you the very very cute cards we did at my fancy folds class last Saturday.  You'll love them!

Love Song in the Oaks

As the dark dreamed of dawn

and the sleeping stretched to yawn, 

I heard a distant lullaby. 

The two great owls settled in

the huge old oaks, ignoring men;

it seemed a soothing and a sigh.

She sang to him. 

He sang to her. 

Arise the sun,

awake the day, 

as the gray fades away,

good night dear and good night sweet love

good night dear and good night sweet love

good night dear and good night sweet love.

                                  by Jane Buchanan 10/11/12

A little something from my early morning run.

What could be better??

   What a fabulous way to spend a Saturday! Not much in this world is better than spending time with my kids. 
   My day started off at a huge craft show in Ozark on a cool blustery day, which was great! Meandering at my own leisure through literally hundreds of craft tents and booths, gleaning ideas for my future crafting and supporting (and by supporting I mean buying from!) such a talented group of crafters.       

    Well, that puts a smile on my face just thinking about it. I'd show you what I bought but I think there is some kind of law against that without posting the makers ID. But you should see the gorgeous colorful purse I found!! and Christmas cards (yes I know I make them but these were so so cute ;), and a scrapbook ( I know I know, yes I make those too, but this family looked sweet that made them and now I can get some great ideas from that also!) and a present that shall not be mentioned for my beautiful daughter and some very artistically painted wood ornaments (yes, I need more ornaments, who doesn't!?!)

   Now to the best part....my son called and invited me to come with him and his wife to a movie, lunch and shopping sales. What? Yes! Serendipity! Olive Garden soup and salad, End of Watch movie,
(which was a really good movie-bring the tissues) and then on to shopping! New outfit for me for under $50, turquoise cardigan, eggplant top and jeans. Love a good Kohl's sale!
   Soooo... want to see the very best part of my day? Yes you do.

           The picture wasn't taken yesterday, but those two totally made my day. Cute aren't they :)

 I think I'll send them this card I made. 

love love love

and tell someone today that you do.

down my curvy creek...

   Don't you just love taking the time to let your imagination run like a curvy creek, making it's way to something pretty? Well, I do. And I did. And here's a little something at the end of my creek.

   This is made with the Stampin' Up! stamp set called Cottage Window. And a couple of their embossing folders that I love, the argyle folder and the tulip frame folder.

http://janebuchanan.stampinup.net 

    That's the site you can see more stamping creations and purchase the supplies.
Have a beautiful weekend!

Out of the Quicksand

   Well, that was a nasty bit if quicksand, doing it's best to suck me under. Shew!

   This morning as I jogged along the familiar path I was watching the sky, thinking about the gradual graying of the black, stormy night. And today, by God's constant lovingkindness I see some sunshine.

   Don't get me wrong, it's a rainy, cloudy day here again. But like He always does, He lights up my darkness and brings hope and a smile like the sunshine. No matter what the weather brings.
   So thankful for God's grace.

      This is how my centerpiece turned out. I'm sure it will be in a constant state of change, like the autumn. It needs some acorns! 

Happy Thursday to you.

Feeling a bit lost

    You know how some days you just want to stay in bed? Yeah. I let myself do that today. Then I got up and let out the nutty chihuahua and then I climbed back into that too tall, too soft monster and pulled up the quilt again. I never do that.  The sad thing is it didn't make me feel better. Now I feel kind of panicey. and achey. That I haven't been productive enough with my day off.

    Some days I feel like I'm not smart enough, good enough, devoted enough, talented enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, creative enough, witty enough, valued enough, clever enough.

   Somedays I try to pull myself up by my boot-straps and snap out of it and look on the bright side and think positive.

   Somedays that is just so much bullshit.

   It's 5 o'clock somewhere.

Colored metal designs

   We had a class here today using colored metal. We die cut it, embossed it, punched it, sanded it and staz-on inked it! Not all on the same pieces but all in all, we got to try something new and I had a great time teaching the class and sharing in the fun.

See that pretty autumn candle with the gorgeous handmade wrap? It has metal leaves that are embossed and sanded. And each of the ladies were given their own pumpkin spice or apple orchard scented tri-colored candle to wrap. A bit of ribbon, rustic twine, linen thread and  brassy brads to go with those great  leaves and voila!

This is a sample of the turquoise metal embossed and swiped with staz-on ink.

In my classes, one of my favorite things to do is offer choices. So after I explained the techniques I handed out choices of colors of metal and a variety of embossing folders to choose from. The best part of offering choices is seeing all the creativity these ladies have! I learn so much from them. You know how when you do something, you like it and think "OK, that's how you do it." Well, I am constantly shown how many different ways there are to do something.

 Yes indeed. THAT is one of my favorite things in the world; seeing a new way of looking at something, thinking about something or doing something. These ladies keep me on my toes! 

Here is a link to where I purchased  those cool colored metal sheets. 

http://www.addalittledazzle.com/

Thanks for your interest in my little corner of the world :)

  

Looking for peace?

Psalms 42:8 

 The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime;

And His song will be with me in the night.

A prayer to the God of my life.

So many times I wake up in the night. I've become a rather choppy sleeper. But very very often I wake with a song in my heart. A song of love and peace from Jesus. It's true.

Psalms 42:11 

Why are you in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,

the help of my countenance, and my God. 

So many times I find myself stressed out and catching a scowl on my face. But very very often I am reminded that my Father, Abba, lifts up my face and brings me a smile. 

I am so blessed. 

His lovingkindness is neverending.

 

Just one more mile...

   That's about how I get myself to put in the long runs. Just one more mile. Started out that way this morning, needing to get a 10 mile run in, not feeling it. Not feeling it at all. So...I decided a 5 mile run would do.
   As I ran and dreamed and watched the stars fading into a fabulous sunrise I decided to go just one more mile. Yes. 6 would feel like more of an accomplishment. As I was running the sixth, legs not doing too bad, lungs feeling pretty good I thought, well, an 8 mile run would get me closer to that 10 mile run and I wouldn't feel like my training was too far off the mark.
   Finishing up the 8th mile I had to throw in an extra little 3tenths of a mile lap for good measure, make sure I was really getting in every bit of this mileage, my wee little brain decided I might as well go just 2 more and make it good. Good job, Jane. Yup. Got that 10 mile training run in on not so much energy or strength or athleticism, just plain ol' want to and tricking myself a mile at at time. Love it!

Here is a little creation of mine. I took an old frame and just used the back with the stand on it to glue my art to. The designed paper is using the faux patina technique. The picture doesn't quite do it justice.

         Fall is only a day away! To celebrate I shall share with you a cute little fall card I made.

     Go take a walk in the sunshine today, sing a song and enjoy your day! 

Here's my song I would sing for little Boo...

If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in the evening, all over this land,

I'd hammer out love between the brothers and the sisters, aaaaalllll over this land.

If I was a Grandma I'd sing in the morning, I'd sing in the evening all over this land.

I'd sing about love between the babies and their grandmas, aaaallll over this land. 

If I was a baby. I'd sing in the morning. I'd sing in the evening all over this land.

I'd sing about love between the mommies and the daddies, aaaaalllll over this land. :)

(you like my version don't you! Now this song will be a happy song in your head all day!)

For the paper crafters out there....

 http://www.stampinup.net/esuite/home/janebuchanan/

Here is where I do my shopping! And I invite you to, also. Great site for ideas, trends in paper crafting and  high quality tools, paper, dies, punches and rubber stamps.

My favorites from stampin' up are the papers, both the double sided designer paper and the cardstock. This cardstock is heavy and the colors are hard to find at any of the discount craft stores.

One of the things I like about stampin' up is the way the stamps, inks, paper, punches and even their big shot dies coordinate. Makes being creative that much quicker and easier!

So, if you like paper crafts, scrapbooks and getting lost in creating like I do, this is a site for you!

http://www.stampinup.net/esuite/home/janebuchanan/

(my little advertisement :)
but I really do love Stampin' Up! or I wouldn't sell the stuff!

    All of these cards were created using only Stampin' Up! products, so you can make them, too!

And here is one more. This one is made using the Fun Flowers Bigz die that cuts through lots of different things like fabric, felt, metal, chipboard and naturally, cardstock. 

Pretty sure I found the basic idea for this card on the Stampin' Up! website from another talented demonstrator. 

Well, thanks for stopping by! Come back again.

standing firm

   Throughout my life I have collected quotes. Read poems. Read romance novels. Read horror novels. Collected ideas from all my readings. Read the Bible. Read children's stories. Read biographies. Collected visions of other peoples' lives. Viewed movies. Viewed art. Viewed poverty. Collected hopes that there is a better way.

Sometimes faith is standing firm. 

Sometimes faith is stepping out. 

   There is one of my own quotes. 

there once was a babe from miami

he said "oh, how i do miss my grammy

so let's hop on a plane

or even a train

and go see her soon, please can we?"

   There is one of my own poems. 

   There is some of my own art. 

Look up... when you think you can't go on-

Look to Me... you can do it one day at a time-

just like you run,

one mile at a time, one day at a time. 

And I'll be there with you, 

right by your side,

constant help, constant Love,

giving you strength. 

   And there is some of my hope.

Unreasonable...

No reasonable explanation,

I'm thrilled with that!

and I'm left with unreasonable expectations

that I will not give up

give back

let go

release

or 

cease.
                                                                                    by Jane Buchanan 9/14/12
 

                                                                .

Dreams come true

  Lately I've been thinking about my dreams. I had to answer a questionnaire at work and they asked "what is your dream job". Whoa. what? How long has it been since I thought about that...

   Well, I'm 53. It's been a long time since I really thought about that. My dreams of late have been of the obtainable sort. Dreaming of moving to FL. Dreaming of family around. Dreaming of taking vacations or learning spanish or dancing in heaven. Well that last one is not of the immediately obtainable sort (hopefully).

   But what all this introspection did bring me to, finally, is the question of what were my dreams long ago and wondering about them. Never really being confident of achievement on a grande scale, I didn't dream much as a kid. No huge ambition, no spectacular goal. Just moving forward. Making choices, good and bad. But I really did have a dream. A dream of a love that was mine. A love that was for me, just because of me being me. And reciprocation of that love. A love that wanted MY love in an extraordinary way. Ohhhh, how selfish?  But true nevertheless.

   Yeah. I actually have had dreams come true. Here are two of them. I am so so blessed. And thankful to remember that not only did I have a dream, dreams of love came true over and over for me. 

Just another day in paradise...

Having a very thankful day here in the Ozarks.

 Smiling at the sunny blue sky and grateful to have gotten in a good ten mile run this morning! 

Wondering how this blog thing is going to go...but hey! Nothing ventured, nothing gained they say and I really want to show you some of my creations, tell you some of my thoughts and encourage you to create something you love, too.So here is my first little thank you for checking out my blog!