horrible bad awful day

     So....I survived one of the most horrible bad awful days I've ever had. Thank you LeeAllie.

     Sometimes the things we know are best for the people we love hurt us really deeply. That happened to me, ummmm, again. Another of my children moved out of state. A good thing. but painful beyond what I can describe.

     It was a horrible bad awful day. The crying was soul wrenching. gut tearing. stopping and starting again. thought I was done. triggers set me off again. so so alone now.

     How is it that even knowing it is such a blessing for my son and his wife, knowing each of my kids that  I love beyond understanding are where they not only should be but in a great situation with the loves of their lives, how is this separation so painful that I want to.... well I'll not even go there.

      The thing is I survived. Like running that extra mile or two. Like staying at work when you feel you can't. Like getting up in the middle of the night when you are beyond exhausted. But not quite like any of that. More like vomiting and dry heaves and fever and laying on the cold tile floor praying the sickness will pass.

     And now. Survival isn't enough is it. Survival isn't enough. Moving forward. Pastor Ron talked about it today. 2013. Moving forward to a better tomorrow. Praying for wisdom to know the direction to a better tomorrow.